To see if I'm smiling (Lir' ot Im Ani Mehayechet)

 

Story:

The traumatic and lasting effects of military service on female Israeli soldiers are examined in this documentary. As is the duty of every Israeli citizen, these women served in the army and completed their tours in the occupied territories. Candid interviews with them reveal surprising, as well as disturbing, behaviors and psychological phenomena attributable to the emotional and physical ravages of war (NetFlix).

Review:

How could it be fun to pose with a man’s dead body? This question haunts Maytal, when reflecting on her compulsory service in the Israeli Army. Many years since she quit, she has not been able to look at this photo, taken in a moment of irrationality. Stationed as a medic in Hebron, she is troubled by the memory of a period when the abnormal became normal and the insane became the sane. To See If I'm Smiling delves into the tense territory where personal morality is at odds with patriotic duty. Yarom combines the voices of five female ex-Israeli Army members to present an intensely personal account of the Israeli-Arab conflict from the unique perspective of a young female soldier. Powerful themes emerge from revealing interviews with the returned soldiers. The soldiers disclose incidents that they have not made peace with. Libi, a combat soldier recounts a chilling episode when she assumed the role of an avenger following her friend's death in combat and consequently ill-treated eighty Arab men at a check-post. She then confesses to participating in a group abuse of a captured Arab boy suspected to be a terrorist. Like the others, she is traumatized by the memory of her own self, capable of such violence and evil. The camera intimately captures the unhealed emotional scars and the gruesome memories, like ghosts that won’t go away. In a poignant interview, Rotem is tormented by the blood of a young boy on her hands that she cannot wash off.  Yarom successfully articulates the regret and anguish that the women undergo upon their return to normal society after being in the unreal world of the Israeli Army. Yarom also comments on the culture within the Israeli Army. In the first of two significant incidents, Inbar is asked to get a report altered after an investigation finds that Israeli soldiers tortured a young Arab boy. The original report is found to be too controversial and is therefore, quickly altered. Dana recounts a second incident where as Education officer she criticizes the looting of private property following an Army raid. She is confronted with verbal abuse and bullying by the soldiers and marked as somewhat of a traitor. The documentary expertly uses a combination of interviews, personal and Army footage to impart realism to the recounts. It is compelling in its honesty and has the intimacy of a confession as the soldiers divulge their darkest memories. Yarom's skill lies in allowing the participants to reveal themselves unselfconsciously about an extremely controversial topic. The documentary presents the insider's perspective on the conflict, a valuable addition to the discourse hitherto populated by pacifist, Arab and Western voices.

Reviewed by Shweta Kishore for Documentary Film Online on April 26, 2009

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